and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize