If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm both gender and math confused
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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