its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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