Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize