he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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