You can't special order awesome
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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