he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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