Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
