I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
