yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
