I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
