how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
