Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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