who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
