guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
