Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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