I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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