Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
