I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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