At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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