Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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