just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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