some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
