He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
FUCK WHALES
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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