If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize