Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
