I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
