yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
