I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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