How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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