If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
