not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
