That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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