Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
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There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
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Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize