dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
