We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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