he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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