i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
