Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
