And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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