sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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