My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
two words: eviction party
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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