your parents love me but you hate me
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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