I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
