I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
