ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
