I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
