He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
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Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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