I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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