I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
How's your threesome situation going?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"