What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
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Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
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I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.