you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
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She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
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Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.