it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
