hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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