Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
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I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early