I hate all girls vehemently.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Randomize
