that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
