I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
