you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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