jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
third nipple confirmed
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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