I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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