I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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