Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
