I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
