I just made out with a guy for $7.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
